ANXIETY WITHIN

And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.”

~ Mark 10:51 ESV

I could hear the low rumble of my car’s motor as the cool air from the air conditioner blew strands of hair into my face. Peace eluded me.

The summer heat in the South pushed a band of perspiration across my forehead, and with one swipe of my hand, I pushed back the hair, patted the sweat, and wiped a stray tear from my eye.

The summer of 2019 was a rough season; depression sunk deeply into my soul. The welcome of new crops to the local farms signaled new life all around me, but I felt as if I were slowly dying. I couldn’t contribute this heaviness to just one thing because a list of uncertainties consumed me.

For the second time on that same Sunday, I drove back to church, hoping to hear something that would shake me out of the doldrums I felt locked inside. As my grip tightened around the steering wheel, I whispered the same words again, “Help me, Lord.”

I heard His voice speak to my heart with a clear question, “What do you want Me to do for you?”

CHOOSING PRIORITIES

I was startled into silence as my mind raced through the list of things I thought God could do to make my life easier: fix my finances, heal a familial relationship, take away my tendency toward depression and anxiety. On and on the list could go. But sensing the significance of this question, I pondered my answer before reaching a conclusion.

A few minutes passed before tears fell again, and a whisper escaped my lips, “Lord, all I want is peace. I want the peace of knowing You are with me in all circumstances––good or bad––the peace in knowing that You are in control, and the peace from knowing You are working on my behalf.” I was certain that even if God chose to keep me in the struggle, I could make it if I had His peace in my heart.

BLIND BART

Recently, I read the healing account of blind Bartimaeus in Mark’s 10:51­. Loudly pleading for mercy, Bartimaeus called to Jesus as He passed by. When Jesus heard him, He could not turn him away. He asked Bartimaeus this same question: “What do you want Me to do for you?” And the blind man said, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.” 

I realized a similarity between Bartimaeus’ answer and mine. To gain the peace I sought, I needed to gain my sight. I needed to see Jesus as bigger than my circumstances, bigger than my emotions, and bigger than any trial life brings my way. This would lead to perfect peace.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~ Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

CHANGING TIMES

The difficult circumstances of the hot summer day years ago did not miraculously vanish, but the Holy Spirit’s question to me changed my focus. It opened my blind eyes to the presence of God in my situation.

When the heaviness of my current circumstances weighs me down, I return to this memory. Doing so reminds me that peace is found in knowing who Jesus is. After all, He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), giver of peace (John 14:27), and peace speaker (Matthew 8:23-27).

How can seeing who Jesus is in your circumstances bring peace to your heart?

Heavenly Father, thank You for being concerned with all my needs. As circumstances around me change, help me to hope in You. Please fill me with peace and help me to keep my eyes fixed on You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Genre: Non-fiction

Copyright 2023: Peace: Rosann Coulon: All Rights Reserved