Growing up in the home of a social worker, I’ve always understood the deep need and important role that foster parents play. The good homes show love and kindness to every child who enters their home, regardless of the child’s behavior. The parents’ hearts are open. No matter how long or short the child’s stay, the parents give love. After all, it’s better to have loved.

In my conversation with a foster-parent friend, I struggled to understand how they could love when the children were in and out of their lives so sporadically. If a kid came to my home, they’re mine—I’m not letting them go. The thought of loving and letting go made my heart ache indescribably.

With tears in my friend’s eyes, she explained the pain of loving a child for months or years and then having to let them go. The deep, heart-wrenching fear of what those children might be going back to tore at her soul. But I’ll never forget her words, “It’s better to have loved and face the possibility of pain than to live a life never having loved at all.”

As I attended the funeral of a special Christ-follower, those words flashed like a beacon in my mind. All her children, grandchildren, cherished friends, and family spoke of how well she loved. A constant encourager and source of light, she loved with all she had. And in return, her family loved her, too. But in the end, they had to say goodbye.

I guarantee that if I asked each one, they would all respond with a resounding yes that they would love her again and again and again. Even knowing they would lose her, the choice to love and be loved would win out every time.

Real love bred from the Spirit within is worth the risk. Something happens when we open our hearts and let another person into our special place of vulnerability. We are seen. Known. Chosen. Welcome. Wanted. Loved.

Sometimes this is between two individuals who have pledged their lives together in marriage. But at other times, it’s expressed between a parent and child. Or grandchild. Or foster child, adopted child, or sister. And perhaps a brother, coworker, or friend.

No matter the relationship, true, deep, vulnerable love is always a choice. And even if that person leaves our lives through death, change, or other means, it’s better to have loved and faced the bitterness of pain than to live an isolated existence with no love at all. After all, isn’t that what Christ modeled for us?

Maybe we think not loving will save us from deeper hurt. Perhaps we think we protect ourselves by shutting out the world. But maybe, just maybe, we miss out on the biggest blessing we will experience on this side of heaven.

The words of my friend ring truer today than they did the day before: “It’s better to have loved and face the possibility of pain than to live a life never having loved at all.”

Don’t let anything keep you from taking a chance on love.

Father, as You have taken a chance on loving us, encourage us to do the same with You and others. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Genre: Non-fiction

Copyright 2025: It’s Better to Have Loved: Christy Bass Adams: All Rights Reserved