O LORD, You have searched me and You know me. Psalm 139:1 NIV
Jenna knelt at her bedside, weeping. She stroked her finger with her thumb and forefinger; the absence of her wedding band heightening her sense of loss. A simple band that had encircled her finger signified security. But apparently, Brian didn’t feel the same way. He had left her for a “new love.” Jenna was left grasping for answers. Could she have done something to keep him? No, his eyes had wandered from the start. She knew this, but she thought she could change him, remake him, capture his gaze…. Now, she didn’t know who she was.
“Jesus,” Jenna said through stammering lips, “who am I to You?” She bit her lower lip, hoping He valued her, but hesitant about her worth. Doubts raced through her mind. She knew she hadn’t been consistent in her relationship with the Lord, so how could He think good thoughts of her now that her marriage had failed? Jenna was confused. She rose, despondent. She reached for a journal her mother had written for her. For years, Jenna had read and reread its pages, drawing comfort from the thoughts, ideas, and even the struggles her mother had penned. She opened it and read the bookmarked entry:
My dearest Jenna,
I prayed for you today. It is your first day of kindergarten. I’ve fastened your locks with pink polka-dot ribbons. You’re wearing saddleback shoes with lace-embroidered socks. You are a picture of innocence!
I wish I could keep you just the way you are, but I can’t. Life has its share of trials as well as joys. Someday, circumstances might even get difficult enough that you’d doubt God’s love. Psalm 139 assures you that He formed you when you were in my womb. That means He loved you before you drew your first breath! You are constantly on His mind. His good thoughts toward you are more numerous than the grains of sand that ebb and flow with the tides.
One day, I’ll not be able to dress you in frilly socks and polka-dot bows. Even then you’ll belong to the Lord whose love is unfailing. The Bible says, “God is love.” (I John 4:16b KJV) God is the personification of a love that’s unending and immeasurable.
Are you questioning Him today? Is it because a relationship has failed? God is still with you. The only way your relationship with Him can end is if you decide to leave, and even then, He will run after you, enticing you to return. Psalm 139 records your thoughts. You say, “I can never be lost to your Spirit. I can never get away from my God! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the morning winds to the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me.” (Ps 139:6-9 TLB)
When you become mature, you will know to hold onto Jesus as deeply as He holds onto you. In His darkest hour, as He gave His life on Calvary’s cross, men forsook Him. His disciples fled. A dying thief mocked Him. And yet, He still chose to give His life and rise again, because that’s what love does—it gives. Who can separate you from a love like this? Can distress take you away from the Savior who willingly paid sin’s price? No, my child. Never. Who are you? You are Jesus’ true love. Find your identity in Him.
Jenna closed the diary and reached for her Bible. She blew dust from its cover, nestled into her recliner, and read Psalm 139, treasuring each word. “I belong to You, Jesus,” she whispered, “and I trust You with my future.” Soon, although the band of gold was still missing from her finger, she experienced a surround of love. Jenna fell asleep, secure within her Savior’s embrace.
When others depart, we find God is still with us, drawing us into His circle of love.
Circle of Love is a fictional story. Copyright © 2016: All Rights Reserved: VineWords Stories and Devotions Inspired by the Vine: Author Diane Virginia Cunio; Pen Name, Diane Virginia: Circle of Love; www.vinewords.net
Published: October 2016: Christian Broadcasting Network: Editor Beth Patch: Internet Ministries Producer: http://www1.cbn.com/devotions/circle-of-love
Published: Faith Beyond Fear: Editor Alynda Long: September 2018: https://faithbeyondfear.com/2018/